Archive for June 2016
2004 flashback: An American classic, Myanmar style
Ten years ago, my original Yangon burger story was published in The Myanmar Times. I post it here for the sake of comparison with today’s much-improved burger scene in Yangon, which is covered in the preceding post.
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One night a few weeks ago I settled onto my sofa to enjoy another installment of Stupid Movie Night on satellite TV and was treated to a cinematic masterpiece in which mutant killer bees terrorized a small American town until they were lured to their doom by their love of hamburger meat.
Thinking long and hard about the movie afterwards, I would have liked to believe that, had I been one of those bees, I would have been too smart to follow the raw meat into an enclosed space in which a deadly trap was sprung by crafty humans. But I love hamburgers as much as the next mutant killer bee, and the fact is nothing would have prevented me from following those delicious patties into darkness and death along with the rest of the hive.
The hamburgers depicted in the Hollywood-made killer bee movie were of course all-American summer holiday cookout burgers. Hamburgers in Myanmar can be a whole different ballgame.
Seems like every time I order a hamburger here, there’s something a little weird about it. There are the cheeseburgers with cheese but no meat. There are the burgers whose patties are so small the meat seems to be a condiment to accompany mayonnaise and tomato sauce rather than the other way around. And there are the ones that come with no bun at all, requiring of the diner the unnatural, even profane, act of eating a hamburger with a knife and fork.
All this weirdness prompted me to embark on a daring quest to sample the vicissitudes of burgerdom in Yangon and report my findings to the armchair hamburger eaters of the world. Following is a catalogue of my experiences. To save space I have limited the survey to beef burgers and therefore have excluded a number of venues that listed beef burgers on their menus but in fact served nothing of the sort.
Burger Busters (114/B Inya Road)
Enticed by words like “BBQ sauce” and “mashed potatoes” interspersed among the Myanmar-language description on the “special” menu, I ordered a cheese beef burger for K3000. What I got was a large beef patty whose mushy consistency was mostly caused by a Texas-sized slathering of Texas-style BBQ sauce. It was topped by a slice of cheese but came with no bun. Beneath the watchful gaze of the other patrons at the restaurant, I fixed this problem by cutting the patty in half and making two sandwiches using the garlic toast that came as a side (along with the mashed potatoes). The result: passable burgers that were hard, crunchy and garlicky on the outside and soft, chewy and BBQ-ey on the inside.
Café Aroma (Sule Pagoda Road near Nay Pyi Taw Cinema)
The beef burger (K1700) is described on the menu as being “topped with minced beef, tomato, cucumber, lettuce and pickles”. Cucumbers are not a regular ingredient in American hamburgers but they are common in Yangon. Although many true US patriots would remove them and fling them away in disgust, cursing “dang ferners” for sullying an American icon, to me they seem a fine supplement to the repertoire of burger ingredients, adding a bit of crunchy freshness to the mix.
The ingredients at Aroma add up to a fairly tasty burger even though the patty is a bit too small. They come with potato chips but no fries. To get them, order the “finger potato deepfried with tomato sauce” (K650) from the menu. I would recommend it. They are very crispy and quite yummy.
Excellent Burgers and Snacks (182, corner of Anawrahta Road and 33rd Street)
This small, narrow restaurant looks more like a typical downtown biryani shop (complete with tiled walls) than a burger joint. It is open to the street and therefore has no air con but there are electric fans aplenty. There is also upstairs seating but downstairs you can watch VCDs of lovelorn girls clutching roses and crying into the sky.
The beef burger (K1000) is served with lettuce, tomato, onion, cucumber, coleslaw and chilli sauce on a sesame seed bun. Oh yeah, there was a beef patty somewhere in there as well. It was tiny, adding virtually no flavour to the burger. There was, however, a tangy aftertaste that had me fearing for my health until I opened the bun and identified it as originating from the coleslaw-like substance spread on the bun.
The burger comes with a few crispy fries. More can be ordered for K900.
Feel Burger and Snack (Yankin Centre, basement level)
Feel offers all sorts of burgers: chicken, pork, beef, fish, sardine, vegetable and more. There are no prices on the menu, but fear not – a jumbo burger will set you back a mere K1150, fries an additional K900.
Burgers come with mayonnaise (see below), onions, cucumbers and tomato sauce. The “jumbo” option adds egg and cheese. Double burgers are also available.
The burger was brought to me on a plate with a knife and fork. Now I know the concept of eating a burger with a knife and fork is an invention of the Prince of Darkness himself, but in this case the grease factor prompted me to use them (Lord have mercy on my soul). Despite my general proficiency with silverware, it was not long before my dinner was an unwieldy mess on my plate, prompting my girlfriend to comment, “The burgers I make are more beautiful.”
In-depth analysis points to the abundance of mayo and its lubricating properties as the main culprit in the cosmetic degeneration of the burger. Those who don’t like mayo (once described to me as something the French invented to hide the horrible taste of their food) might want to point this out to the server, as it had been slathered on at least two, possibly three, separate locations throughout my burger.
Despite the mess, the Feel burger was among the best I’ve had in Yangon.
50th Street Bar and Grill (50th Street, lower block)
The atmosphere at 50th Street Bar and Grill is like a seductive dream, with comfy seating, a pool table, darts board and satellite TV. It’s all designed to make you forget you are in Yangon so you don’t think twice about spending US$6 on a bacon and cheese beef burger with lettuce, tomato and BBQ sauce. And while the burger is pretty good, it is not $6 good. The meat has an odd texture and sharp taste, and the bacon can be molar-achingly tough to chew. The accompanying fries are big and the salad is small. If you find yourself at 50th Street, my suggestion is to stick with the pizza, which is among the best in Yangon.
MacBurger (Pansodan Street)
Here’s what happened: I ordered a Mac Ham and Cheese (K900) and Mac Fries (K400), the latter of which were a bit tortured looking but not nearly as tortured as the sound of karaoke from upstairs, which we could hear over the Chinese DVD playing on multiple screens in the cafeteria-like dining room, whose off-off-white walls were decorated with pictures of Julia Roberts, Hollywood movie posters and a bundle of dried cornstalks (?). The burger itself consisted of a tiny patty of some chewy, vaguely meat-like substance besieged by lettuce, tomato, cheese and coleslaw. It tasted better going down than it did coming back up later, but only a little. Conclusion: Eating at MacBurger is a dangerous experiment not worth repeating; the aftermath made me rue the day I embarked on my foolish burger quest.
Onyx (near the corner of Inya and Dhammazedi roads)
My first visit to Onyx occurred during monsoon season on a night when the driving rain had turned the dirt driveway into a slop trough. The effort to slog to the other end and into the restaurant was well worth it, though. I have been back many times since. The beef burger steak (K4000) is made with chopped beef, herbs, onion and garlic and is served with a small salad, potatoes, steamed vegetables and bread on the side. Again I was faced with the unsavoury experience of eating an open-faced burger with knife and fork. But you know what? I didn’t care! Onyx burgers are severely delicious and well worth eternal damnation. See you in Hell.
Commuting by bicycle in Yangon
May 20 was Bike to Work Day in the United States, where, according to the League of American Bicyclists, the number of cycling commuters grew by 62 percent from 2000 to 2013.
Bike advocates are keen to point out that riding to work can help protect the environment, cut transportation costs and contribute to a healthy lifestyle. These are, of course, universal concerns, and there’s no reason why Bike to Work Day can’t serve as inspiration to change your commuting habits no matter where in the world you live.
In urban areas suffering from excessive traffic congestion – here’s looking at you, Yangon – cycling can actually be a faster way to get around than driving. At a casual pace, my own commute across downtown takes about 30 percent less time on two wheels than on four.
For any Yangonites thinking of taking the plunge into two-wheeled, human-powered transport between home and workplace, here are some tips on how to prepare for your ride, and how to survive when you’re on the road.
PREPARATION
A little bit of planning can go a long way toward making bike commuting an activity to look forward to rather than something to dread.
Buy a suitable bicycle
The best bikes for Yangon are those with wide, grippy, jolt-absorbing tires, such as mountain bikes or hybrids. Half a century of monstrous anti-people rule by the Myanmar military left the country’s roadways in shambles, and while the infrastructure is slowly (slooowly) improving, you can still encounter broken pavement and crater-sized potholes in many areas around the city. These obstacles can be doubly hazardous during a monsoon deluge, when they can be obscured under a few inches of murky water.
Get organized
Have your cycling and work clothes, work supplies, bike tools and – if you return home after dark – blinking lights ready the night before. Your determination to cycle to work might not last long if it adds time and complication to your morning routine. The cheapest way to carry your stuff is in a backpack, but you’ll be more comfortable if you let your bike bear the weight: A rear rack with waterproof panniers is the best setup but might be hard to source in Yangon. Add them to your list of purchases during your next trip to Bangkok.
Wear appropriate clothing
Many bike commuters cycle in the same clothes that they wear at work, but this might not be practical during the sweat-inducing hot season or soggy monsoon season. Consider riding in sporty clothes made with quick-drying material and then changing into your work clothes once you reach the office. During monsoon, work clothes will need to be carried in waterproof bags or wrapped carefully in plastic.
Clean up at work
The ideal for bike commuters is a workplace equipped with a shower. If that’s not available, it’s easy to clean up quickly and efficiently in the bathroom using a small towel and soap, or with snow towels or baby wipes.
SAFETY
Here’s a quick quiz: A slow-moving car is in front of you on the road and begins drifting across the center line. The driver a) is preparing to make a left turn; b) is swerving left in preparation for making a right turn; c) is “steering” with his wrists after spotting a pagoda in the distance and clasping his hands together in prayer; or d) assumes he is King of the Universe and can do whatever he wants, screw everyone else.
Experience will teach you that the answer could be any of the above, or something completely different. To coin a phrase: Expect the unexpected when you ride a bike in Yangon. Imagine the worst possible driving behavior, and then be fully prepared to watch it unfold over and over again right before your eyes.
Avoid the door zone
The mass-scale importation of vehicles with right-hand steering wheels into a country where driving is done in the right-hand lane might be a symbol of deeper civic woes, but for cyclists it has the curious advantage of reducing the number of car doors that open in front of you as you’re cruising down the road. Still, people do occasionally emerge from the passenger side of parked cars, so it’s safest to pass with a 1-metre buffer to avoid nasty surprises.
Keep your eyes moving
Keep your eyes about 5 meters (16 feet) up the road to take note of the pedestrians, potholes, vendors and sleeping dogs in your path, and at the same time 100 meters (330 feet) ahead to register parked cars, merging traffic and other hazards. Simultaneously, remain aware of what’s happening to your left and right.
Don’t hug the curb
Riding too close to the curb will result in a noticeable increase in incidences where cars and buses fly past and then box you in, either swerving right to pick up passengers or making a very dangerous, full-on right-hand turn. Develop the habit of riding about 1 meter out from the curb, even where there are no parked cars. It will make you more visible and it gives you more room to maneuver if you need to take evasive action.
Avoid sudden changes in direction
Sometimes it’s necessary to swerve to avoid clueless drivers or insane pedestrians, but if you see a car parked in your lane up ahead, don’t wait until you are 2 meters behind it before abruptly changing lanes. About 50 meters out, start slowly angling away from the curb so that by the time you reach the car you’re already in position to pass it. Make copious use of hand signals to let drivers know your intentions.
Try not to mind the honks
Drivers in Yangon are more far more likely to use their horns than their brains, which results in an endless chorus of obnoxiously redundant bleats emitted by cars approaching from behind. This can be annoying, even maddening, but it does have the advantage of letting you know that the driver has seen you and is unlikely to knock you into the gutter.
Wear a helmet
Just do it.